Asperger Syndrome on the Autism Spectrum

By: Christina Ouillette, Director Shining Futures

I’ve learned a lot from my son since he was born. Those with autism literally perceive the world differently on many levels. Many adults with autism don’t feel as though these are defects, and indeed refer to those such as myself as “neurotypical”.

Perhaps the most common condition with autistic kids is the lack of the ability to discern non-verbal cues which comes so naturally to most of us. Thus they constantly feel left out, and like they’re missing something (which they are!) and they are prone to being teased by others.

At an early age my son was a walking encyclopedia, talking endlessly about this or that subject until a listener was driven to distraction. Even more irritating to many people was that he felt it necessary to constantly correct even the smallest inconsistency, or educate people on a certain topic. Having a voracious thirst for knowledge and near perfect recall, he knew a lot.

My son had something called “face blindness”. He initially learned to relate to people within the context of where he saw them. For instance, he might run into me at a store, and if he didn’t expect to see me there, he might not even recognize me! When he was younger and I occasionally came home with a different hairstyle, it took a lot of convincing to prove to him that I was in fact his mother!

Another time his older brother ran ahead of us down to the beach and when we got there he asked if an approaching dog was his brother. He thought the dog was his brother crouching down in order to trick us! Related to this is the ease with which many autistic people can get lost. My son used to wander around with no idea of where he was and instead of restricting him, an army of neighbors helped me keep track of him.

He also has the heightened senses that many autistic people have. In elementary school it was a struggle for him to eat in the cafeteria as the noise overwhelmed him. Smells do too; if a place smells bad he won’t tolerate it to this day. This might also lead to the typical “picky eating” of autistic people, many of whom can only eat certain, mostly bland foods. His perception and attention to detail have enabled him to have deep insight into what lays beneath the surface and think “outside the box”.

When younger he also took any statement anyone made quite literally; he could not tell when people were pulling his leg or outright lying to him, no matter how outrageous it might seem to you or I. Another symptom as a child was his lack of empathy and saying whatever came to mind. He once asked an obese woman if she would pop if pricked with a pin. He meant no offense, it was a literal question but it certainly did not endear him to the lady in question. (Years later when I recalled the incident, he was mortified that he had said that!)

Another typical symptom is the awkward hunched stance and avoidance of eye contact. His whole demeanor would change from a bright smiling child to that of an unpleasant, handicapped child when around strangers. Being frustrated in school life, my son developed a temper at home where he felt safe, and there were some outbursts and acting out. In first grade an array of school experts told me that if I didn’t put him into a strict disciplinary program that he would end up institutionalized or in jail. Naturally I ignored them.

Many children with autism have difficulties with fine motor skills such as handwriting. When my son was in 1st grade he was perceived as stubborn and oppositional because he wouldn’t practice his handwriting. In fact, he was developmentally unable to do it, and no amount of coersion would make him. In high school he was finally ready to take copious handwritten notes in his classes, but to this day he prefers typing.

All this makes it very difficult for those with autism to make friends, and they tend to be solitary. Even though they long for friendships they have a low threshhold for spending a lot of time with others, which can make it difficult for them to enter into relationships. Typically those with autism tend to get along better with each other than with neurotypicals.

To those with autism, neurotypicals can seem confusing. We appear to be vague and illogical and often don’t say what we mean. We are dishonest for behaving socially and lack independent thinking for wanting to “fit in. Those with autism can’t understand why people bow to peer pressure. My son used to give me a hard time for smiling at people I didn’t know for “no reason”. I had to explain the rationale behind why strangers smile at each other.

Through working with my son for many years, providing structure and guidance, he has overcome most of these issues. He has learned to mostly adjust to noises and smells, he has a friendly demeanor and looks people in the eye when talking to them, though he will revert somewhat if he doesn’t quite trust someone.

I am proud to say that though he still has an allegiance to the truth, he has learned how to tell white lies so as not to hurt someone’s feelings. He can now recognize saracasm and jokes and is actually quite clever with making up his own. He will also control the urge to educate or correct people now that he has learned that most people don’t like that. (Of course being his mother, I’m exempt from this exclusion.)

When visiting a new place, such as a hotel when on vacation for example, he will scope out every inch of the place, learning it so well that from then on he can be our guide. He is very even-tempered now, and when something angers him he can easily control himself until he can rationalize what happened.

I have always celebrated my son’s strengths and been his biggest fan. I am proud to say that my son today is well-liked by those who come into contact with him and I get many comments on how respectful and polite he is. At age 18, he lives alone, attends college and has a business. He has truly become a productive, functioning member of society.

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